Written by: Martin Zika
Art: Nenad Vitas

 

What country would you like to live in?
In Hawaii, as a building superintendent.

What’s your favorite flower?
I like to give women red poppies. Personally I’m satisfied with green poppy pods.

What gives your life meaning?
Marxism revealed the decaying class of profiteers, thereby showing me my goal in life.

What would you like people to know about you?
That I’m better and more sensitive than they think I am.

What do you always have in the fridge?
Cold.

What do you most like to do during the day?
I lie on the couch. Either alone or with someone.

What would your ideal day be like?
Lying on the couch.

What’s the best place to make love?
The couch.

Who do people confuse you with?
A German tourist.

What would you like to receive as a gift?
A patent on reason.

What’s your state of mind right now?
I’m at a loss. I don’t like generalizing, but you want me to give you straight-out answers.

What do you like about men, and what can’t you stand about them?
I like to go out for a beer with them. I hate the smell of locker rooms.

What do you like about women, and what can’t you stand about them?
I like openness. I can’t stand women who blatantly come on to me without even asking me if I’m interested.

If you had to lose one of your senses (sight, hearing, taste, etc.), which one would you choose?
Taste. My taste buds are already burned off by alcohol.

What’s your favorite quote?
I know that I do not know anything.

If you were organizing a dinner to which you could invite five people from any country, any time in history, who would you invite, and why?
Athos, Portos, Aramis, D’Artagnan – and I think there was another. And why? They’re fun to be with, and mainly I’d like them to introduce me to Madame Bonacieux.

If you won the lottery and never had to work again, what would you do?
I’d join my favorite decaying class, the profiteers.

What do you most like about yourself?
My hardness.

What do you hate about yourself?
My softness.

Do you think it’s better to say everything, or not to know everything?
I know that I do not know anything.