Written by: Monika Mudranincová
Art: Nenad Vitas
What did you want to be when you were a kid?
A cook. My father always cooked on Sundays – Sunday was men’s day in our family. Whenever the cooking was supposed to be good, the guys had to do it, and this has stayed with me.
What country would you like to live in?
Any country. Moving around would be even better. It’s really great to go from one country to another.
What are your favorite television programs?
Of all television programs, my favorite is a switched-off television set.
If you could be born as an animal in your next life, which animal would it be?
A bird. Its freedom of movement strikes me as remarkable.
What truth about yourself would you like people to know?
People know everything about me. I have no more secrets. Perhaps I would prefer they know some agreeable lies.
What was the last thing that was stolen from you?
My telephone, and my soul. I will try to defend my freedom.
Where will you never return to?
I don’t want to ever take the same route back that I already covered. Where will I never return to? To Germany, maybe.
Your favorite insult?
I don’t have any. They are spontaneous, and you simply always have to think them up at the right moment.
Who do people get you confused with?
Lots of people used to mix me up with Marty Feldman, an old English comedian with big, bulging eyes.
What is your present state of mind?
Pretty fragmented. Going off in every direction.
Your favorite saying?
“You ox.” (or, “You lummox.”)
What do you like in men, and what do you despise?
I make no distinctions between men and women. To me, they’re all people. I don’t care, but I despise stupidity in both sexes.
Where are the prettiest women in the world?
You can find them everywhere. I like Asian types. There are lovely women in Hong Kong and Shanghai, but the same is true here. Sometimes I walk along a street and tell myself how beautiful the people are, and then go on to say how ugly they all are.
It depends on my mood.
Your favorite quote?
Nothing gives you more of a feeling of infinity than stupidity.
If you had a dinner party and could invite five people from any country and any period in history, who would they be, and why?
I would definitely invite Tom Waits, and maybe Mozart, Vinnetou, Joan of Arc, and another woman, possibly Mata Hari. I’d like to find out what they were really like.
Which of your dreams has come true?
A nightmare. It comes true all the time. A dream from which I awaken thoroughly soaked always comes true for me.
Like when you dream you’re falling?
Yes, I’m always falling.
What do you despise about yourself?
Fear of people. I’m terribly afraid of people, for example I really don’t know how to get a girl – I never know what to say to her. When I’m among people I never know what to say, and how to make any sense.