Written by: Anita Lišková
Art: Nenad Vitas
What did you want to be when you were a kid?
I wanted to be a rich layabout. In order to meet that goal, I’d toil like hell for the next fifty years. Now I am a rich layabout passing time answering silly questions.
In which country would you like to live?
Televisionland. Lots of violet Milka cows breathing gently into my Red Indian feathery headband.
Who is your favourite fictional character?
Myself, as presented to the wider audience in the biographic opus Kdo víc vsadí, ten víc bere. Widely available, it costs CZK 299. Buy it today.
What’s the one place to which you will never return?
Russia. Not voluntarily.
What was the last thing stolen from you?
An idea for a song and a stuffed Milka cow. The latter really hurt.
Your favourite saying?
No, I shall not lend you any money, bozo.
Your favourite insult?
Špidla. Also: Klaus.
What do you like the most about women and what do you despise? What do you like the most about men and what do you despise?
I can see you are of typological inclination. A futile pursuit I despise in both men and women.
Which of your dreams has come true?
Every single one except the possession of a tactical nuclear weapon.
Are you lucky in your life?
Most people say that my disgustingly good luck is the sole reason for my having achieved anything at all.
If you were organizing a dinner to which you could invite five people from any place and any era, whom would you invite?
The four riders of the Apocalypse and Winnie the Pooh.
What is the best place to make love?
Suggest one and I’ll see.
Do you need to love to make love or do you need to make love in order to love?
My only urgent need is to lay about.
Do you think it is better to say everything or not to know everything?
Much too complex a question for me. What do you think about my feathery headband ?
How do you get up in the morning?
Usually I get down, down, down, deep under my pillow.
Would you take a trip to outer space?
I’d much prefer a trip to the inner one.
How would you like to die?
Did you say “like”?
Would you like a role in an action movie?
Yes. As far as the action does not go much beyond laying about.
Your favourite drug?
Did you ever make any unusual bet and what were the consequences?
I did. I ran five kilometres against a true sucker. I won CZK 1,100,000. That was back in 1999 when I had not yet embarked on my present career of the rich layabout. Maybe that was the reason for my being very pleased at the time.
Which person would you most want to write lyrics for, and what would be the topic?
Vladimír Špidla. Famine.
What yould you like your gravestone to say?
I’m laying about, folks.